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~ Book Trigger Warning: sexual abuse; emotional abuse; physical abuse including domestic and child abuse; manipulation; suicidal thoughts; depression; anxiety ~
Out of Love is the debut novel of Hazel Hayes, former horror screenplay writer. The book follows an unnamed woman following her break-up with Theo. The difference with this romance story is it is told in reverse – you start with the main character packing the boxes of Theo’s stuff and it ends with their first kiss. Throughout, themes of mental health, identity and the meaning of true love for the first time are explored through this unnamed character in a very raw, real, and typically Irish way.
While initially I was worried I would find the backwards aspect confusing, I was so invested in the lives of these two characters and their dismantling relationship that I never found it an issue. Due to it being so relatable of a story, the novel can often feel akin to hearing a best friend’s experience in a relationship which creates an air of privacy and intimacy between author and reader that is rare to find. Not only is Hayes opening up about her past experiences through this novel, which she has spoken about sporadically on her various social media accounts, she is also encouraging the reader to think about love and relationships in a wider way and to acknowledge any underlying abuse that may go unnoticed in the first few months.
One thing that pushes the story forward and leaves readers interested, despite the ending being clear from the beginning, is the raw reality that Hayes writes with and how defined and well explored the characters are. Throughout, it is easy to replace the image of the character with someone you have met in real life because the way the author writes about them presents everything so clearly and so tangibly, it’s like you know them personally. Characters like Maya, become a best friend to the reader as well as the protagonist, as she is someone who knows exactly what to say and how to lift up the protagonist throughout, consequently lifting the readers spirits due to the close emotional attachment you end up forming. I would not be surprised if many readers take on the feelings of the main character because of how easily it is to place yourself in the shoes of the unnamed, main character.
In my eyes, this book only had strengths and the only weakness I encountered was in myself for reading this book too quickly because despite it breaking me, I would reread it in a heartbeat.
Hayes’ writing style is impeccable and has a way of placing the reader at exactly the place she is describing. From her café trip in Paris to her descriptions of her mum’s homely food and Irish summers when she was young, I felt as if I was genuinely experiencing the melting of ice creams on my fingertips or my stomach warming up from Irish stew or I could hear French accents in the distance. For me it is rare to feel completely submerged in a different world or a character, but because of the relatability of the character, I was wholeheartedly experience every inch of this heartbreak with every page I turned.
Additionally, even the concept of the narrative being backwards is painful in itself. To start off knowing how characters react to the breakup, to read about things they said ‘in the moment’ and experience their arguments and then end up feeling hopeful at the end, even thinking that this relationship could work, despite the reader already aware of the how the book started, is a painful realisation the reader inevitably makes. To add to this, despite beleifs that the story might become dull once you read the blurb to discover it’s a love story told in reverse is a misconception and definitely did not happen to me. I was intrigued throughout, wondering how a couple who reached these lows at the beginning of the novel would initially find love, how they initially thought it could work out. The realness though, and the unspoken truth is, anyone who has gone through an unhealthy relationship knows exactly how something so good can become toxic so quickly.
One thing often lacking in romance novels, which is why I tend to avoid them, is the underlying, but sometimes overtly unhealthy notions of relationships, allowing the reader to believe that things should be a certain way. However, from the onset, it is clear the Hayes’ experience in relationships is one she wants to warn others of and educate. From her mention of therapy and presenting it as a healthy thing, from her on-going battles with anxiety and depression which the main character experiences heavily, and not to mention the unconditional love, support, and advice from her best-friend Maya. After every incident, there seems an intentional yet hidden acknowledgement that some behaviours are ultimately toxic yet the author reassures any readers through the protagonist that it is normal to be unsure how to navigate yourself in these circumstances.
To wrap up, the book had everything a romance novel should have, and most novels in fact; well-defined characters; excellent writing; a clear plot and direction and a real sense of purpose that transcends to the reader. Ultimately, I did not want to put the book down and often forgot that I was living in the world I was in (which is often just me reading at work). The full immersion and a whole range of emotions I experienced was so rare and welcoming I am afraid I won’t encounter that with another book in a long time.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐