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~Book Trigger Warning: infertility issues~
Rock Needs River: A Memoir About a Very Open Adoption follows the life of Vanessa McGrady who struggles with infertility problems and thus cannot give birth, and her decision to adopt. The book follows her attempts, her losses, the ups and downs of her relationships over the years and how her burning desire to have a child affects her 20s and 30s. McGrady’s story takes a unique take on the adoption process because of her preferred method of choosing to adopt a child and then maintain a relationship with the biological parents.
The reason I chose to read this book was mostly because it was free with Amazon Kindle and because I’m not someone who reads memoirs often, especially not books that deal with adoption (though I probably should invest more time in these storylines). I was intrigued to put myself in the shoes of a real person and see how that compared to embracing the emotions of a fictional character. From the onset of the book I was questioning the relevancy of some of the information being provided, specifically the first five chapters it took for the concept of adoption to really be addressed. While I understand that the book needed a lead up to the background of Vanessa and an explanation as to why she craved a child so badly and why that didn’t happen – but it dragged. The endless paragraphs detailing her boyfriends, romantic failures and the descriptions of her households and even the background of her parents and the random mention of her Jewish half-brother all seem to distract the read from the main focus – her adoption story. I think if it was not for the sheer drive I had to read a memoir after not reading one in years I would have had to put the book down - because the blurb of the book simply did not reflect the content of the first five chapters.
To add to this, the story would have been much better if it was executed as a shorter work or for there to have been an elaboration of, for example, the classes they attended in the lead up to the adoption and the people she met in those classes, whom she only briefly mentions. The unending stream of content at the beginning about the troubles in her relationships (that had nothing to do with the actual adoption) take up space that should have been dedicated to more adoption content.
Furthermore, one of the major weakness of this book is how quickly she’ll change pace, topic, and tone. This ‘choppy’ approach to writing, especially in the first few chapters when the content was not especially relevant to what I expected, made finishing the book a slight chore and not as enjoyable to continue reading. The author swinging from description of apartments and how her mood reflected them to the details of her sex life to the intimacies of her relationship with her dad made reading the book a frustrating experience because it was so far from the original topic presented.
One positive worth mentioning though is how she is able to view the positive side of a dark situation; in her perspective divorced parents and re-marriage meant more siblings and new relationships. Her infertility only catapulted the love she would have for her child. Her heartbreak and hardships after the adoption was worth it due to the constant reminder that she does now have a child and she is ultimately grateful for the gift that is her daughter, Grace.
To add to this, her acknowledgement of her privilege, evident when discussing the experiences, the biological parents faced after giving birth demonstrates how in-touch McGrady was with wider social issues. One of the main themes of the book, as it is clearly expressed in the title, is the open adoption aspect that is unique among adoption stories. This relationship that is formed between adoptive and birth parents gives an insight into the life that some families might face post-adoption as well as other struggles that come with parental life such as financial issues; jobs; homelessness etc. McGrady acknowledging her privileged position in being able to be a parent and trying not to impose her views onto the adoptive parents because she realised not everyone will experience things the same way she has is refreshing to find in a memoir book.
In conclusion, I would only recommend this book to someone who is especially interested in the open adoption process and its inner workings. However, be aware it did take about 20% of the book to actually get to that topic.